The Hazards of Hormones

When I was in my early twenties, I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. 

 

Yet learning about PMDD was such a game changer because I could separate myself from the rollercoaster that is my hormones.

Seriously, ten days before my period, I’d get these intrusive, fleeting suicidal thoughts that were like, “Hey, let’s die today.”

Yeah, super fun.

 

But here’s the kicker: getting diagnosed with PMDD was actually kind of a relief.

Suddenly, I could point at my hormones and say, “Oh, that’s why I feel like jumping off a cliff but also like eating an entire container of ice cream by myself.” 

Now, instead of “I want to kill myself,” my brain says, “Let’s become a monk and live on a mountain where there’s no human interaction or responsibilities.” Which, spoiler alert, I do not actually want to do. Mostly because I like Wifi and access to spicy, authentic Chinese food that I can easily get in Boston. 

But once a month, a part of me thinks, “Yeah, becoming a monk could work.”

Now, let’s clear something up because there’s a lot of confusion out there:

 

PMS whines, “I’m cranky” while PMDD wants to curl into a ball on the bedroom floor and die because life is hard. 

PMS vs. PMDD:

PMS, that’s your standard issue “I’m bloated, I’m cranky, and someone’s gonna pay” kind of vibe. Annoying? Yes. Life-altering? Not really. 

PMDD, on the other hand, is PMS on steroids. We’re talking “I’m gonna cry, scream, and maybe die” levels of intense.

It’s like PMS, but with a side of “Can’t function today, so please leave me alone.”

If you’re out there feeling like your life is a horror movie directed by your hormones every month, you might be dealing with PMDD.

And here’s the thing—you don’t have to. 

Meditation and therapy helped me to recognize I am not my hormones or the hormonal-triggered thoughts. I can notice, "Oh, there's a part that wants to run away. A part of me feels overwhelmed right now."

When PMDD rages on, it's a clue something else is bubbling under the surface. There's a part that feels [stressed, tired, lonely, scared, etc.].

 

There’s help out there to sort through what's showing up, and trust me, you’re not the only one whose brain thinks becoming a monk is a valid life choice once a month.

So, don’t suffer in silence. I'm here to help you figure out what’s going on and get you back to your regularly scheduled programming—no mental breakdowns required.

Hang in there,

Hannah Kanter, LICSW

In addition to help from a therapist or getting complementary medicine (also a game changer for hormone health), the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders is a lifeline of support, information, and resources for women and AFAB individuals with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Premenstrual Exacerbation (PME).

The IAPMD Official Website