Meet the Managers Inside You (from IFS): Hello Control Freaks and Worrywarts!

Picture a team of managers gathering around a conference table suggesting ideas of how to handle a situation you're going through. Sometimes planning is helpful. Sometimes it's fun to have goals. In IFS, we recognize that sometimes these parts push you so hard, are so critical, and tough that there are moments or periods of life when you feel like you can't catch a break.

Let’s talk about your Managers—that department of parts inside of you that take their job of keeping things in check way too seriously. Picture them as the over-caffeinated, perfectionist, task-mastering employees you never asked for, but somehow, they’re on the payroll, running the show. And they’re definitely not here to have fun.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), Managers are highly protective parts that are strategically working overtime to control the environment and keep you safe. 

But here's the kicker: they don’t enjoy the work. They feel like it’s a never-ending responsibility, and they fear if they let up for even a second, the Exiles (those vulnerable, hurting parts) will escape and bring chaos with them. Yikes.

These Managers are often the ones who say things like:

• “You need to keep it together.”

• “No time for feelings right now. We’ve got a to-do list to conquer.”

• "Yes, you look fat in those jeans."  

What you’re dealing with here are parts that:

• Have zero tolerance for emotional pain, shame, or fear.

• See injured parts (aka the Exiles) as weak and defective—a serious threat to maintaining control.

• Need control to feel safe. They’re the ones in the driver’s seat, constantly checking the mirrors and steering you away from uncomfortable emotions. 

Managers come in many forms, like:

• The Thinker/Controller – Overanalyzes everything, trying to figure out what could go wrong next.

• The Striver – Always striving for success, but somehow never feeling like they’ve “made it.”

• The Critic/Judge – Always pointing out what needs to be fixed, often forgetting what’s already going well.

• The Taskmaster – If you’re not busy working, then what are you even doing with your life?

• The Denier – Keeps pushing those feelings away like a deflector shield.

• The Pessimist – Avoids emotional closeness by anticipating problems before they even happen.

• The Perfectionist/Competitive – Everything must be just right, or it’s a total failure.

• The Worrywart – Obsesses over everything, because something could go wrong. Always. 

Now, we know these Managers have good intentions—they want to protect you. But their approach? Not always the most fun. They’d rather you stay productive and in control than process emotions.

But here's the thing: ignoring feelings and striving for perfection doesn't really bring peace. In fact, it can often leave you feeling more drained and distant from others (and yourself).

So what can you do? Acknowledge these Managers and their need for control.

Understand that while they’re trying to keep things safe, they don’t need to run the show all the time. You get to decide when it’s time to take a breather and if they need to give you a bit of space.

Interested in learning more about how to balance these parts? Hit me up! We can work together to help you manage the Managers (without letting them run the whole show).

Take care,Hannah

P.S. If you need help coping with those shark-like inner critics, I’m here for it! 😉🦈

Inside of everyone is an inner boss, whether that's a planner, a critic, or an achiever -- often we have all three of those manager parts inside of us.