"Seeing You Tonight... It's a Bad Idea, Right?": Internal Family Systems & Firefighters

Hey there, Dedicated Distractors,

I’ve been obsessed with Olivia Rodrigo’s song “Bad Idea Right?” lately. There’s this line that cracks me up every time:

"Yes, I know that he's my ex,

but can't two people reconnect?

I only see him as a friend—biggest lie I’ve ever said.

I just tripped and fell into his bed."

The whole song is basically her inner Firefighter in action—desperately trying to put out the flames of loneliness and emotional pain with the equivalent of an emotional grenade: calling your ex.

We all have those moments, don’t we? You know it’s a bad idea, but… you do it anyway. Why? Because when your emotional Exiles are sobbing in a corner, your Firefighters kick the door down like, “Move aside, I’ve got this!”

Meet Your Inner Firefighters: The First Responders to Emotional Chaos

Firefighters are the parts of you that react when the emotional pain of your Exiles feels unbearable. They’re not here to “process your feelings” or “make wise choices.” Nope, they’re here to distract or anesthetize the hurt—right now, consequences be damned.

Picture this: Your Exiles are quietly whispering, “I feel sad and unworthy,” and your Firefighters barge in with, “LET’S FIX THIS!” Whether it’s hitting your vape, bingeing a season of Love Island, or eating an entire sleeve of Oreos, their motto is simple: “Anything to make it stop.”

Firefighter Playbook: Their Go-To Moves

Firefighters have a toolbox of coping mechanisms, though let’s be honest—it’s more like a sledgehammer than a precision instrument. Some classics include: 

• Distraction: Mindlessly scrolling TikTok until you’ve lost three hours and your original thought.

• Compulsions: Eating an entire pizza, because hey, feelings taste better with cheese.

• Substance Use: Turning “just one drink” into an impromptu karaoke night… alone.

• Risk-Taking: Speeding down the highway at 80 MPH.

• Sex: Tripping and falling into someone’s bed.

• Rage: Picking a fight with your partner over who left the light on—again.

It’s not about logic. It’s about shutting down the fire (aka feelings) as fast as humanly possible.

Why Do Firefighters Act This Way?

Firefighters aren’t the bad guys—they’re just desperate. When the emotions of your Exiles feel overwhelming, Firefighters rush in to help you survive. Sure, they’re a little… intense, but their intentions aren’t malicious. They’re trying to help, even if their methods are more wrecking ball than Band-Aid.

And let’s be real—if the room is on fire, Firefighters don’t care if the carpet gets trashed or the walls are soaked. They want relief, now.

What’s Your Firefighter Hierarchy?

We all have our favorite Firefighter responses—your personal “break glass in case of emergency” habits. For some, it’s a Netflix binge. For others, it’s texting someone you know you shouldn’t. Your hierarchy of Firefighter responses depends on your past experiences and what feels most “effective” at shutting down emotional pain.

How to Work With Your Firefighters

Here’s the deal: You can’t get rid of your Firefighters (nor should you), but you can help them chill out. Start by acknowledging them:

• Thank them for trying to protect you. (Yes, even the cutting part)

• Let them know you’ve got other, less destructive ways to deal with your emotions—like therapy, mindfulness, or simply sitting with your feelings for a moment.

When you listen to your Exiles and give them the care they need, your Firefighters won’t have to jump into crisis mode every time. 

Firefighters are chaotic, impulsive, and sometimes leave you with a massive “emotional hangover.” But they’re also just doing their best to help you survive the tough stuff. Learning to appreciate their efforts (and guide them in a healthier direction) is how you’ll find balance.

Until next time, give your inner Firefighters a little gratitude for having good intentions and bring your concerns about their actions to therapy to find relief that's longer-lasting.

Best,

Hannah Kanter, LICSW