Grief vs. Depression: Understanding the Difference

Two heads resting on one another's shoulders: Grief is often shared—felt in waves, witnessed in community. Connection is an important tool for healing and moving through loss.

Imagine this: You’re drained, everything feels empty, hopeless and sad.

But is it grief? Depression? Or just a bad reaction to reading the news again?

While grief and depression can look alike (both can make you feel like a deflated balloon), they are not the same thing. Let’s break it down:

Grief: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Grief is like being on a Tilt-A-Whirl—one moment you’re crying into your cereal, the next you’re laughing at an old voicemail from the person you lost. It comes in waves, often triggered by memories, anniversaries, or that one song on your playlist.

• Greater range of emotions – You’re sad, but you also feel love, warmth, and sometimes even humor (yes, inappropriate funeral laughter is a thing).

• Agitation & restlessness – You may feel like pacing the house, starting projects you don’t finish, or developing a sudden need to rearrange all your furniture at 3 AM.

• Acknowledging loss – You know what happened. You don’t like it, but you recognize it.

• Preoccupation with the deceased – Your thoughts keep circling back to the person or thing you lost. You may find yourself scrolling through old messages or having imaginary conversations with them (totally normal).

• Fluctuating mood – Some days are manageable, some are unbearable, and others are just…weird.

• Responsive to support – A hug, a conversation, or even a decent casserole from your neighbor can offer some comfort.

Depression: The Emotional Blackout Curtain

If grief is a rollercoaster, depression is like being stuck in a dark, windowless room where nothing changes. The sadness isn’t coming in waves—it’s just there, like a heavy fog that refuses to lift.

• Less emotional range – It’s not just sadness; it’s numbness. The things you used to care about? Meh.

• Lack of energy – Getting out of bed feels like a full-body workout. Small tasks feel monumental.

• Denying loss – Unlike grief, where you recognize what’s missing, depression can make you detach entirely—like you’re watching your life from the outside.

• Preoccupation with the self – Instead of focusing on someone or something you lost, your thoughts spiral inward. “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I snap out of this?”

• Static mood – No ups, no downs—just a flat, grey landscape with no exit signs.

• Unresponsive to support – No amount of “Have you tried yoga?” or “Just think positive!” is going to cut through it. (Seriously, stop telling depressed people to go for a walk.)

But They Have Some Things in Common...

Both grief and depression can make you:

✔️ Exhausted

✔️ Feel hollow

✔️ Cry in public (thanks, random grocery store song that brought me back to high school)

✔️ Wonder if you’ll ever feel “normal” again

So…

How Do You Know Which One You’re Dealing With?

If your emotions are fluctuating, you’re acknowledging the loss, and support helps, it’s likely grief. If the sadness feels unshakable, your mood is static, and support doesn’t seem to touch it, it might be depression.

Grief can sometimes turn into depression, especially if the feelings persist for a long time without improvement. If you’re not sure, or if you feel stuck, reaching out for professional support is always a good idea.

(Therapists: we exist for a reason.)

Whether you’re grieving, depressed, or somewhere in between, you're not alone.

If you’re supporting someone through grief or depression, it’s important to meet them where they’re at. With grief, sometimes it’s about giving them space to feel all the emotions, whether they’re crying, laughing at a memory, or just sitting quietly. Don’t rush them to “get over it”—let them process at their own pace.

When it comes to depression, it can be helpful to encourage small, manageable steps like getting some rest, eating well, or maybe just getting outside for a bit. And if they’re open to it, gently suggest reaching out for professional support. The key is to listen, be patient, and remind them it’s okay to not have all the answers.

Healing doesn’t look the same for everyone, and that’s okay.

Statue curled up in a ball: Depression can feel isolating—like being frozen in place, turned inward, and unreachable, even to yourself.