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Healing with Hannah LLC - Therapist in Cambridge MA

Betrayal Trauma: Healing and Hope with EMDR and IFS (Cambridge, MA)

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An EMDR colleague recently sent me an article I had to share with you:“Victim–Perpetrator Dynamics Through the Lens of Betrayal Trauma Theory” by Kerry L. Gagnon, Michelle Seulki Lee, and Anne P. DePrince.


It offers powerful insight into how trauma affects the mind—especially when the harm comes from someone the victim depends on. Here are some key takeaways:


What is Betrayal Trauma Theory (BTT)?


BTT helps us understand how and why memory disruptions and dissociation occur when the person experiencing trauma depends on the person(s) causing it.


This means:

  • A trauma survivor who was abused by a parent, relative, or close friend will often experience different symptoms than someone assaulted by a stranger or affected by a non-interpersonal trauma (like a natural disaster or accident).

  • The higher the betrayal, the more intense the symptoms: PTSD, anxiety, depression, dissociation, and alexithymia (difficulty identifying and expressing emotions).


Why the Brain “Forgets”

When a child must remain attached to their caregiver to survive—for food, shelter, and emotional safety—the brain finds creative ways to protect itself:


  • Dissociation

  • Emotional numbing

  • Alexithymia

These adaptations help the child stay attached while minimizing conscious awareness of the abuse.

What Happens Later in Life

When victims rely on their perpetrators, they often don't recognize the abuse for what it was. It feels normal. Over time, these protective strategies can result in:

  • Self-blame

  • Shame (“I’m bad” instead of “something bad happened to me”)

  • Alienation (feeling disconnected or like an outsider)

  • Difficulty forming close relationships

Survivors may even feel like they’re “making it up.”Not because they are—but because the part of them that needed to stay safe and attached learned to doubt the abuse entirely.

I work with many adult survivors of childhood sexual trauma, and one thing I hear again and again is: “What if it didn’t happen? What if I’m just making it up?”

This self-doubt is betrayal trauma. It's not a flaw—it's a brilliant, protective part that kept them alive.

When That Doubting Part Shows Up

When that doubter part speaks up, we can use Internal Family Systems (IFS) and gently thank it for what it’s done—for keeping you safe for all those years.


Then we can show it that other parts of you know the truth.

Take a few breaths.

Feel your feet on the floor.

Notice the deep awareness inside you.

It did happen.

It was horrible.

And you are no longer in that house.

You are ___ years old today.

You get to decide your relationships today.

You have a therapist who believes you.

You're not making it up.

You're not alone anymore.


I’m here for you.




Citation:Kerry L. Gagnon, Michelle Seulki Lee & Anne P. DePrince (2017).Victim–Perpetrator Dynamics Through the Lens of Betrayal Trauma Theory.Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 18(3), 373–382. DOI: 10.1080/15299732.2017.1295421


The full article can be found here.

 
 
 

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