I had a lot of fun rewriting the lyrics to Baby Got Back (missed it? Check it out here) so I wanted to share another fun and creative take on DBT skills. This time we're focusing on the interpersonal effectiveness skill called, “DEAR MAN”, a classic template for asking for what you need that many of us find helpful in communication, especially around the holidays with family. It’s a great reminder of how we can assert our needs while maintaining healthy relationships.
This skill is perfect for anything related to getting what you want, whether it's asking for job raises, telling your partner to take out the trash, or urging your upstairs neighbor to please clean up after their dog that pees outside on the balcony, again, and the urine drips down onto your patio, again (true story -- so grateful I have since moved out of that old apartment. Ewww).
Because the plethora of acronyms in the DBT world can be confusing to keep straight, here’s a little song I rewrote to the tune of "Hey Jude" to highlight the steps.
[If you don't know the original song, 1) It's the Beatles. Time to move out from under your sad Gen Z rock. 2) As a friend used to say, "Use the Google!"*
Hey friend, don’t hold it in,
Take a tough ask and make it clearer.
Remember to Describe what you need,
Then you can start to make it better.
Dear MAN, don’t feel dismayed,
Just Describe the facts clearly; what a camera conveys.
Remember to Express your feelings true,
Then start to Assert what you want them to do.
So Reinforce (reinforce, reinforce, reinforce),
Make it clear why this matters to you.
And stay Mindful, don’t stray away,
Stick to your goal and Act confident too.
Dear MAN, don’t be afraid,
It’s okay to Negotiate and make a trade.
Remember, compromise can be a win,
And stay strong, don't let frustration in.
So Reinforce (reinforce, reinforce, reinforce),
Say what you need and follow through.
You’ll get through (get through, get through), just stay mindful,
And keep your cool as you assert what's true.
And anytime you feel unsure, hey MAN, refrain,
Describe what’s goin' on, don't shift the blame.
Your request can stay on track if you explain,
And you’ll be heard if you stay calm, be plain.
Dear MAN, keep it real,
You’ll get what you need when you clearly appeal.
Express, Assert, and stay mindful, you'll see,
Negotiate and watch how smooth it’ll be.
So Reinforce (reinforce, reinforce, reinforce),
Don’t forget that you’ve got the key.
With confidence (confidence, confidence), dear MAN,
You can ask for what you need, oh, yes you can!
Wishing you calm, clarity and confidence this holiday season,
Hannah
*Ok, full confession: this was a combined effort with the glorious and creative Chat GPT, but still, it's pretty fun, right?
コメント